Now it wasn’t really my intention to be continuing on with this blog, simply because the year is over and I’ve settled back into life in Montreal, but something happened last Friday that I think cannot go unmentioned.
First off, though, I might as well talk a little bit about what’s it like to have returned to Montreal, and what I’ve been up to.
So as you all know, I came back here on August 22nd, and right off the bat life was not the same. Some people here were already living different lifestyles, I lost touch with some of my friends, I was now single (and thus with a lot more free time on my hands); I was also the President of the Concordia Student Exchange Association and my mentality was simply different than it was before I left.
So far, I have to say, however, life has been pretty good, and I think I have to give credit to my positive attitude about everything. Sure it’s easy to mope about losing touch with friends and not having plans every weekend, feeling out of touch with some people and maybe you don’t fit it. But it’s also easy to look at it positively, to look within, to look at yourself as a much more enriched and fulfilled person, someone who has taken advantage of an opportunity that eludes many and has lived life experiences that many can only dream of.
At the end of the day, I REGRET NOTHING. I regret nothing, despite some negative consequences having befallen me throughout the year, despite how sometimes it can be more difficult to connect with people than perhaps it was before I went abroad. I regret nothing at all that I did, and frankly, I’m just itching to leave my enclave again and explore more of the world. My experience left me happy and fulfilled, and really, that’s all that matters.
(On a side note, I am seriously considering spending the next 3-5 years teaching English abroad. Getting certified to do so is quick and easy, it merely takes a week, and in this period, I would like to touch upon several parts of the world, notable Europe again, Asia and South America!)
Sure, some family members of mine still look at what I did – live in Madrid for a year and travel A LOT – as just a trip, as a year-long vacation. And many of you reading this blog post, if you have not been abroad, if you don’t really know much about this type of thing, you may agree with this assessment. And I get it, I’m not offended or insulted by this theory of yours, I mean it’s easy to think, “Yeah, Daniele, you visited 18 countries, and didn’t I see you partying nearly every weekend?” And it’s true, I did do all of that, but an exchange is just so much more, it’s a learning experience, it’s a life experience, and you come back a more open-minded and well-rounded person. And if some people fail to understand that, well that’s OK, but as a returning exchange student, an additional part of the learning curve is coming to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to see the world as you do, that, really, not everyone is going to care.
And this is exactly what I want to talk to you about today.
Please note that whatever I am about to say, I implore everyone NOT TO TAKE ANYTHING AT ALL BADLY. I am just stating my observations and I understand that everyone is different, and that no mentality is better or worse than my own. Every person and their opinions and mentalities are equal, just some are different and as such it’s difficult to connect with some people.
Last Friday, I was invited to the 23rd birthday party, a dinner, of one of my best friends, and her boyfriend, whose birthdays are one week apart. Now, I won’t name any names, as to not single anyone out, but let me just say that this friend has been a very very close friend of mine for over ten years now. We are neighbours, and spend a large part of every summer together, just walking around the neighbourhood and talking about our lives, and to be honest, those summer walks are one of the things I missed most this summer.
Anyways, it’s important to note that this friend and I have always had different friend groups, and we would mostly just hang out around the neighbourhood, so I never really knew her friends, and she never really knew mine. So, needless to say, I was a bit skeptical about attending her birthday party, because I knew that I wouldn’t know anyone there, and all her guests would know each other already, thus for fear of being the odd man out and being excluded from conversations.
So I was having this internal debate with myself as to whether I should go to this party or not, and I even informed my friend about this conundrum of mine, and she told me that she would support any decision I make and not to feel bad. I asked my mom for her opinion, and she told me that I’ve done a lot of interesting things in the past year, and I have interesting things to talk about, that people would probably be interested in what I have to say, so why not take the opportunity to meet new people and socialize.
You know what, she was right. I decided to not go home and watch the hockey game (that 10-0 drubbing to Columbus…), and instead attend this birthday dinner, and who knows, I may have a really good time. And besides, I didn’t have anything else planned, what did I have to lose?
So I show up, and nothing, I get introduced to the other people there, we were about 14 in total, and we all start ordering food and whatnot. Some people are ordering expensive drinks or wine, though I didn’t really want to because, well, it’s expensive and I’m still unemployed from when I was on exchange, so I would rather conserve my money until I have a stable income.
Really, nothing notable happened throughout the evening, but that’s exactly why this is night was so noteworthy.
It was so noteworthy because I made a serious effort to try and converse, and socialize and make connections with other people. And I’m not asking for anything crazy here, I would have been content with just some enthused small talk on the part of someone else. But the bitterly disappointing this is that there was none of that on the part of anyone.
But the thing that struck me most is that nobody seemed to care, to even bat an eye, at the fact that I had all this interesting life experience. I mean, my friend whose bday it was had already already heard all about it, and she was greatly interested in my experience and we had already discussed it at length upon my return, but the rest of the dinner guests did not (excuse my language) give a damn shit.
And I’ll give credit to my friend for trying to bring up the topic in order to try and engage the table in a brief conversation about my experience abroad. I owe her a big thank you for her sustained effort in this matter, especially cause she seemingly realized that I wouldn’t know anyone so she decided to give me a hand in terms of socializing. So, at three points during the evening she brought up my experience in Spain.
The first time, as we were doing introductions, she said that I lived in Madrid for a year. For a split second, people reacted, and said like “Oh awesome,” or ‘That’s cool.” And that was it. No further reactions, nobody asked how it was, or why I was there, or what living in Spain is actually like.
The second time, as more people were coming in, she told some people that I was a Spaniard, as a joke, of course, and said I know everything about Spain. Once again, this as met by the same reaction among the guests being addressed, people asked if I was really a Spaniard, and I joked saying I nearly am, since I spent so much time there. But people didn’t press the issue, they simply returned to their normal conversation about cars or makeup or whatever it was they were talking about. I don’t even remember what they were talking about, but it really was not too interesting.
A third time, a while later, she brought up the topic again, noticing that nobody seemed willing to engage me in conversation. Some people had ordered a bottle of wine, and my friend handily pointed out that wine cost as little as €1 in Spain, and that it’s so cheap. One person seemed impressed about that, and made a quick comment about how that’s awesome, and wondered about the quality of wine. I went on for about 15-20 seconds about how it was so cheap, and I’d buy a bunch for my friends who’d come over and we’d have wine on my rooftop terrace overlooking the city at my house in Madrid. By the time I finished even that exclamation, they had just, once again, returned to their normal conversations, once again not even batting an eye at what I had just said.
Now, I get it, these people are different than me. They have different interests, values and priorities in life, and theirs, nor mine, are neither right or wrong, simply different. And I’m not offended or upset at these people for taking no interest in what I have to say, because, besides, they’re leading their lives, and their lives are concentrated here, in Montreal, it seems, at least that life abroad or travel are just not a topics that interest them. And that’s OK, because it’s not a topic that interests everyone. They were discussing cars, and that wasn’t something that outright interests me, so there’s a difference in interests, and that’s fine.
Here’s what I don’t get, though. Aren’t people curious? Wouldn’t the average person be interested in such cool stories? And I’m not asking to be the centre of attention here, quite the opposite actually, I don’t want everyone just asking me questions and paying me all the attention all night. No, not at all, but, idk, I wish that some of these people would just be like “Hey man, that’s amazing, which country was your favourite?” or, “What was the best food you ate?” or even simply asking: “How’s your Spanish?”
I don’t want to be the centre of attention, but if I had anything to say, it’s just that I’m bitterly disappointed that some people just don’t seem to take an interest in the new guy, in the guy that’s different, especially when (I think, at least) I have some pretty darn interesting things to say.
And herein lies the trickiness of returning from exchange. I’ve had the good fortune, as the President of the Concordia Student Exchange Association, to meet lots of exchange students that have come to Montreal, and lots of Montrealers who’ve been on exchange, so I’ve connected with lots of people and my social life has actually been really good since I’ve got back. I’ve made many more international connections, and actually even befriended a student who attends the university I went to in Madrid. My life’s been great, really, since I’ve got back, and I have no reason to complain.
But the lesson here is simple: some people simply don’t care.
And that’s just something that comes along with the lifestyle we choose.
And that’s OK.
Dan.
Studying Abroad in Madrid!! 